Disconnected: Life Left Behind

"Of course," I replied as she walked toward the window. "Just not today. We have to be smart. Being out today, everything is fresh on the people's minds. In a couple of days, it'll be old news and they'll start to forget. Then it'll be safer." Nothing i'm saying is a lie. It was how society worked. Unless it affected them in some direct manner, no one cared.

"I know it sucks, but try not to worry. Think of it as processing time. We can take these next couple of days to find your voice, get you some clothes, and get you caught up on the things you missed." I wanted to sound optimistic, and really I was. If I could get her back up to par with the rest of humanity, it'll increase her trust in me. And who knew what would happen in just a few days. She's vulnerable, and alone. It's a great time for me to set things up. The more she likes me, the more easily I'll get the thing from her and can get back on track.

I grabbed my phone and sat down next to her, pulling up a website to shop for women's clothing. "Want to look for something to wear?"

I stayed looking out the window for a momemt more before letting the curtain fall back down. I sat down on the bed and looked at the photos on the phone, and wrinkled my nose. Did he think I was an eighty year old lady? I made a noise that reflected just as much and shook my head. As we looked through the clothes a thought ran through my mind. Taking the pad in my hand I scribbled, do you have money for this? I've been in a tank for God knows how long, and I doubt I have a trust fund.

It was a feeble attempt at humor since I was feeling pretty depressed about not being able to go outside. Gideon said I'd be able to go in a few days once everything settled down but how long was that going to take? I glanced back at the window and sighed, turning my back on it fully. I didn't want to look at something I couldn't have.

"Oh please. I'm a secret agent, remember?" In truth I had access to an account with a substantial balance. I couldn't go using it for anything I wanted, of course. It had to be important to the mission. But this very obviously qualified. Even if it didn't, it's not like i'd never robbed a store before. I wasn't about to tell her that, but really what other choice did we have? It was either use my expense account, or hold up a liquor store.

"I've got us covered for now. I had a secret account that the organization didn't know about, just for an occasion such as this. It'll hold us over for now. If I can get to a Den, then we'll be good. I could whisk us away to another country before they had time to blink." Truly that was a skill of his. Disappearing. He wouldn't have been caught at all if it weren't for the snitch. Damn if I ever found out who ratted me out i'd have strangled him.

"Here, look at this one. It's not a real disguise item, of course... in fact i'm pretty sure that everything about it is made to attract attention. But it'd look good on you. What do you think?"

Den? What's a Den? We get to leave the country? I wrote fast and showed him while looking over the clothes. I nodded quickly wanting my questions answered, curiosity burning inside me. I figuted if I could know more about what was going on outside, and the situation I was in, including being with Gideon, something would spark a memory. Even if it didn't I wanted to know everything I could.

I scooted closer to him and looked at the clothes more closely. If I was going to wear them I might as well like them. But being that close to Gideon, and I wasn't trying to be weird, I could smell him. It wasn't like when he held me while he ran to find this place, the smell was stronger. I found myself closing my eyes and leaning against him, resting my head against his shoulder. His smell brought an immense feeling of relief and safety to me, it completely surrounded me.

"A den is... a safe place. I have them set up in different places that are off the grid. Cabins, apartments under false names, that sort of thing. I keep emergency provisions there, just in case." That wasn't a lie either. With this group, there was no way to know what they want you to do. I signed up figuring I could do some good there, but some of the shit they made me do... this girl wouldn't want to be within a thousand miles of me.

"Once we stock up, sure. We could go anywhere. Probably have to take a boat though... they'll be watching the airlines like fucking hawks. It'll take longer but that's alright." In my mind I was actually picturing my escape plan. Get as much money as I could, hop on a cruise ship headed for the Caribbean, and finish out my life sipping Mai Tais and boning hot tourists.

When she laid her head against my shoulder, I figured she was probably tired. I had no idea what it was like in that fish bowl they kept her in, but it probably wasn't very comfortable. "You can sleep if you want," I said before thinking. Oh well, it probably wasn't a bad idea. "Been a long time since you had a bed I imagine."

I nodded in response, not bothering to open my eyes or write on my paper. My body ached, too much movement too soon, my muscles were throbbing. I inhaled deeply and sighed, my body going still. Images flashed in my minds eye, ideas just out of reach, the memories I desperately wantes to have assaulting me in random rapid fire succession. Nothing stuck of course, none of it I would be able to grasp onto the second I opened my eyes.

I didn't mind. I was comfortable, Gideon was warm and smelled familiar and safe. I shifted slightly and coiled my hands around his arm, turning my face into him. I yawned deeply, my grip tightening.

"...stay..." I whispered breathlessly, barely audible.

The first word she says and it's while she's falling asleep. Of course. The poor thing fell asleep on my shoulder. I had to admit she was kind of cute in her own way. Too bad i'll have to turn her in eventually. She'd be a cute girlfriend, with her eyes, and her smooth skin... Ugh, what am I thinking? She's my ticket to freedom, plain and simple. Still, I have to keep her happy until I get my hands on the thing that they want so badly. Then I can wash my hands of her.

Gently I pull her off my my shoulder and lay her on the pillow, pulling the blanket out from under her, then over her to her shoulder, nestling her in carefully so she stays warm. For a moment my eyes linger on her, watching the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest and I start to wonder what it must have been like to have a normal life, to be just a regular person with a wife or girlfriend, a steady job, maybe even kids. A simpler life would have been nice, sometimes, but that was never in the cards for me.

Finally, after a sigh, I kicked off my boots, stripped down to my boxers and tank top, and lay down near her, staring at the ceiling for probably an hour, waiting for sleep to take me.

I don't know for how long I slept, and I didn't recall any of my dreams, but none of that mattered. When I woke up the moon was high in the sky and I wanted to see it. Slipping out of bed as quietly as I could, I walked back over to the window and pushed aside the curtain. The city below was quiet and dark, the moon casting an eerie glow against the seemingly dead scenery. It was beautiful.. So I opened the window. Pushing the window open let a breeze come into the room sweeping my hair from my face. I put my hands on the sill and leaned out the window a smile on my face, letting the moon bathe me in its light. As I stood there letting the cool air wash over me I took a deep breath and let the crisp air fill my lungs. It tasted like freedom.. And asphalt, but that was just the city itself. Besides it was better that a tube down her throat, not really breathing.

I glanced back at Gideon and watched him lying in the bed. The blankets were an absolute mess, but he looked so at peace. Maybe it was the moonlight or the way it fell across him, maybe I was just really tired and delusional, but he looked unreal. Like he was above the rest of humanity. Leaving the window open, I walked back over to the bed and crawled in beside him, pulling the blankets up to my neck. Curling into him I let my eyes close, sleep claiming me once again.

I stirred ever so slightly, having been pulled from sleep when Ophelia slipped out of bed. She must have thought I was still asleep, for she crept around the room so as not to disturb me. I watched her open the window and stand among the cool night's breeze, letting it fill the space and wash over her. There was something hauntingly beautiful about her, the way the moonlight cascaded around her, casting a pale glow that accentuated her more delicate features.

When she crawled back into bed and curled against me, I turned to my side and put my arm around her, holding her closely. We faced each other, just a few inches from her face, really. Maybe it was the way I had observed her, or the warmth I felt having her so close, but I wanted to forget what I was for a while. I wanted to forget the mission, and that I was a soldier. I wanted to forget that she was a mark that I needed to influence so i could steal something precious from her.

I wanted to feel normal, and that meant forgetting everything else.

Sleep seemed to pass too quickly and when I woke up sun was streaming in through the open window. I was tired and didn't want to get up, which was odd considering just the day before was the first time I opened my eyes in god knows how long. Even still I was groggy and disoriented. Not nearly as bad as when I woke up from my nearly eternal slumber, but damn near close enough. At least I wasn't cold this time. I was comfortably snuggled against Gideon and he put off a lot of heat. Not that I minded, being clad in only his oversized tee shirt.

Would we always be like that? Waking up with Gideon? I hoped so. I couldn't imagine him not being there; he was kind and thoughtful. Sure he got a little weird when I broke the nightstand, but no ones perfect. We could be together and have our own adventures. My memories no longer mattered, because I could make new ones with him. That thought made me smile.